Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
