I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
