Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
