I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
