We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize