dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
is it fun? or sober?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
