Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
