I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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