I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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