I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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