HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
