so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
