and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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