Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
