Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
