What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
