I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
