Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This baby is an asshole
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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