i don't plan on having that self control this summer
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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