Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
