You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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