I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
