yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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