I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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