people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
