Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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