After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
