Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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