Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
