Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
