If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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