He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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