she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
