Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
