ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
