I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
