worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
