She announced her abortion via fbk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize