if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
