This girl is more easily done than said...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
