Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
