That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
