I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize