Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
