u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
