that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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