I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
