I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
