The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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