On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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