I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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