His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
3pm strippers are depressing
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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