Me too!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
