I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize