Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
