lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
