so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
