Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
