I want to walk on stilts...naked
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
True strength comes from lack of pants
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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