life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
