Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
