Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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