Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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