Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
