dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
