Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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