She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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