3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
