Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
