We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
